My sister said to me a couple of months ago, ‘your heart is like stone, you need to soften it.’ This was said with much love and since then, and after I’ve had time to reflect on this, I realised she was right. Somewhere along the way, my heart had turned to stone. I became cold inside. I go through the emotions without actually feeling the emotions. I display all the right signs of being emotional, but the truth is, inside I don’t really feel anything, I won’t let myself really feel anything. My heart lives behind a wall of stone.
I learnt from an early age, that displaying emotion was a sign of weakness. It left you vulnerable and open to attack. And then as a result of a few difficult experiences, my heart just started to shut down. The emotion I would feel would be physically overwhelming and so I wouldn’t allow the emotion to enter my heart. I would stop it before it reached it.
I don’t want to have a heart of stone, and so, the final leg of my journey home is to crumble the stone that surrounds my heart, and learn to love and be loved unconditionally and without fear.
In finding my truth and finding my voice, I will find my heart once again for love does not equal weakness and I can be strong yet vulnerable, independent but depend on others, remain in one place but still be free. But mostly, I realise it is safe for me to love.
I can love, and I am love.