In the Dark

I’ve been so incredibly tired, exhausted and weary.  The week between Christmas and New Year, the man and I headed North for a few days of sunny nothingness.  It was the first time that I had stopped still in almost six months, and in stopping the everything of the last six months crashed into me like a car hitting a brick wall at high speed.

Physically I was incredibly run down.  I got my third cold sore in as many weeks and was looking like a plastic surgery horror story.  Energetically, I had lost the connection to my self, and to source.  Everything stopped.  The yoga, the meditation, the communication with my angels, the walks, the writing.  My life came to a standstill.  I couldn’t even be bothered to light an incense stick.  The days up North were quiet.  The days that followed at home were even quieter.  I had zero energy for anything or anyone.  I was a zombie.  This wasn’t a rest period, or a moment of stillness or silence.  This was me sitting in the darkness.  You know those times where you just can’t see because it’s so dark and you’re just so weary you can’t even think.  That’s where I was.

But it was ok.  For me the darkness was not a ‘bad’ place, but a place of healing.  It was a place that I could reset and reconnect.

I also learnt something in the darkness.  I learnt a new level of patience.  Not once was I frustrated with how tired I was feeling, or that ‘nothing’ was happening.  Not once did I think I needed to do or be anywhere other than where I was.  I had complete acceptance of where I was and there was no struggle with it.  I also had faith and trust in how I was feeling, and in the knowing that things would change.  All of these things I have really struggled with in the past when things are not moving or happening.  And so it’s in the darkness that I was able to see many things, including just how far I have journeyed.

In the darkness I’ve reset my connection to my self and to source, and am again ready to continue my journey.

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